No wonder your children are so stupid

by Kathi D on January 12, 2010

You probably foolishly waited until your children were actually born before preparing them for college.

And we wonder why the Latvians are kicking our asses in math and science. And Sims.

Tagged as: what I learned

{ 17 comments }

pam January 12, 2010 at 12:37 pm: Seriously this kills me. Is it too late to strap that on Frankie? OH, wait, she finished college already.
lola...again January 12, 2010 at 12:45 pm: I knew I had messed up SOMEWHERE!
No sense trying to fix it now,

“KIds!! Time to get jobs at Burger King!”
Bari January 12, 2010 at 1:18 pm: Holy revolution, batman! Maybe if this “technology” was around when I was pregnant my 12yo wouldn’t be dyslexic. Maybe she’d eat hamburgers and play soccer better. Maybe it would have cured her colic. Maybe my 13yo wouldn’t have attention issues. Oh and maybe she would be able to tolerate sock seams. Oh, if only! Darn them for not inventing this sooner!
Abby January 12, 2010 at 1:44 pm: Good lord. I hope it comes with a free set of razor blades so when the BabyPlus baby becomes a cutter because her parents have frickin’ insane perfectionist ideals, the baby won’t have to buy her own blades.
I don’t know about you all, but whenever I read about lead/cadmium in kids’ toys, I breathe a huge sigh of relief because the pressure’s off, man! Nothing we can do with these lead-poisoned dummies so we might as well just have fun with them and, you know, play with them and stuff. And then we can just blame China when they don’t learn to read until (gasp!) 6 instead of 2. Stupid kids.
alison @ cluck and tweet January 12, 2010 at 5:15 pm: Are you sure this isn’t an SNL skit? Because I have never before seen anything so ridiculous. At least not since the poo trap.
Diana January 12, 2010 at 8:09 pm: Oh we are supposed to prepare our kids for college? I haven’t even started that with my 21 year old. Just got him to start making his bed and saying excuse me after burping and farting and felt WAAY accomplished. Sigh!
Jenny January 12, 2010 at 8:53 pm: I think I just watched a video on something but I am not sure what it was about. Maybe I should take a nap and try again later.
Anonymous January 12, 2010 at 10:04 pm: I prefer my less educated children
Ellie January 13, 2010 at 6:54 am: Is anyone as creeped out by this as I am? Oh, Alison’s probably right — it’s probably a SNL skit.

Blech.
barb January 13, 2010 at 8:10 am: I’m speechless.
My son just reported that he learned this was true at college in anatomy class. Is this a conspiracy?
barb
Busty LaRue January 13, 2010 at 11:14 am: Just looked this up, and it is a real thing….that costs $150!!! I think I’ll just stick with the DS Lite and educational games for my 3 year old, thank you very much. It seems to be working pretty well, considering he can tell what hour it is on the clock AND count to 12! Besides, it’s not like my husband and I graduated from college. We don’t even care if our kids go! haha
edj January 13, 2010 at 2:59 pm: Wow! I knew I waited too long. My poor children…doomed to repeat, “Would you like fries with that?” for the rest of their lives.
Suz Broughton January 14, 2010 at 2:04 pm: Oh, for heaven’s sake! Really? I mean…really?
Melissa January 17, 2010 at 9:06 pm: Is there a quiz once they’re born? Do you get your money back if they’re slow learners?

I rely on violent video games to prepare and educate my child. Quick on the trigger finger, that’s all he needs to learn.
Toi January 18, 2010 at 6:25 pm: I’m just so happy that it comes with a comfortable fabric maternal pouch. Just imagine how awful this whole thing would be without that comfortable fabric maternal pouch?

So I’m not pregnant and have no intention to be for several years, but just imagine how smart my children will be if I start wearing this now? My kids will be rockstars at Sims! I’m ordering one of these today.
Rachel January 18, 2010 at 7:59 pm: Having been pregnant once already, and considering giving it another shot here in a few months, I can’t imagine anything more uncomfortable than strapping that thing on at 9 months! Of course, maybe had I looked into to something like this the first time, my 2-year-old Neanderthal might already be potty-trained and living on his own in a Manhattan high-rise, instead of throwing toys around and running into things, then falling over & yelling “I go boom, Mama!”
Sarah Miller January 23, 2010 at 2:03 pm: Crap. My kids are screwed. Since I worked the night shift in the ICU while I was pregnant with Jacob, there’s no telling what kind of beeps and alarms that kid was exposed to prenatally. I am pretty sure I have ruined him. Reba was probably exposed to too many infomercials since I was an insomniac during my pregnancy with her. She’ll probably end up obsessed with the Bowflex and Jack Lalanne’s juicers.

BTW, love you Kathi for keeping me motivated in my re-entry to blogdom.