Live blogging Oscar, part one

11 a.m. – 3 p.m. Countdown to the Red Carpet, E Channel and TV Guide Channel

I forgot how truly awful these shows are. There are dozens of people on them that I don’t know and never heard of, although I did recognize the Greek chick who was the “young one” in the original cast of The View but proved to be too stupid even to last in that job. She has found her niche here.

There was also a girl who looked a little like Carrie Underwood, but wasn’t.

Plus, it is a “where are they now” for every gay guy within 100 miles of Hollywood. I recognized several of them from years ago when I watched local Los Angeles talk shows, and they were the up-and-coming hairdressers doing makeovers on housewives from Azusa. They too have found their niche, analyzing shoes, hairdos, costume jewelry, and dog fashions.

Bring on the red carpet before I reach for the barf bag.