Thanksgiving the Right Way

Some of you may think that I am not a real sentimental person, but I have to say that this time of year, especially Thanksgiving Day, turns me into a total softie. I start thinking about The Perfect Thanksgiving Day, and I could almost weep.

Imagine, if you can, assembling the whole extended family for this one day; all of them. Even Uncle Enzo, who hasn’t shown up for a family function for years, because he never quite got over that time that Uncle Fred insulted Enzo’s then-wife, Portia. And what if Cousin Esther came, too? She never did get along that well with your sister Violet, but hey, it’s Thanksgiving!

And then there’s Aunt Sissy, not the easiest person in the world even under the best of circumstances, and since Aunt Sissy is currently entertaining Aunt Flo, well, let’s just say you might want to measure your words. 

But heck, this is family! And what is better than getting the whole darn family together for this one day? Let those long-simmering resentments and half-buried grudges take the day off! Just sit down together and enjoy that great meal that all the gals prepared, and drink up the wine and beer and Schnapps and bourbon and Wild Turkey that the guys brought. 

Cousin Fester*

Just keep on drinking all through the afternoon, and then when it’s starting to get dark, have another round of turkey and dressing with your Wild Turkey. That’s the spirit! Uh, wait just a minute here. Uncle Enzo and Uncle Fred are picking over the bones of Portia along with the wishbone, and it doesn’t seem to be going well. Uh-oh. Looks like somebody crossed the line with Aunt Sissy, too. Dang it. What to do?

Just in time, Grandpa Buck steps in to smooth things over. “Hey you guys! Want to come and look at my gun collection?”

Ahhhhhhhhh . . . Extended family, long-held bitterness and rancor, free-flowing alcohol, and firearms. Now you got yourselves a party!

Happy Thanksgiving! See you next week! (Or even sooner if you happen to be around the ER.)

*This is not Cousin Fester. I am not actually related to this man. He is my dentist. He was just voted “Best Dentist” in his town, and I promise you there will be firearms at his Thanksgiving celebration.