Santa: mix it up and you get Satan!

Heather writes that she is thinking about the usefulness of Santa as a behavioral aid for her little one, and I immediately thought of our dear friends Ripley (Not His Real Name) and Sonia (Not Even Close To Her Real Name). When Ripley and Sonia’s boys were youngsters, we always went to their house on Christmas morning to eat a few sugar cookies and to see what Santa had left under the Christmas tree. 

There was always a surfeit of toys and gewgaws to admire, but what I most wanted to see was not under the tree. What I wanted to see was on a table beside a plate with a few scattered cookie crumbs and a drinking glass with milk residue. Right there beside the remains of the cookies and milk was the letter that Santa left for the boys. I remember the first time I saw it. I thought, “What a precious idea, for Santa to leave a thank-you note for the children.” I soon found that I had woefully underestimated Santa.

To be sure, the letter did open with thanks for the treats, but then Santa got right down to business. 

Dear Bongo and Bingo,
Thank you for the cookies. They were very tasty, and I also enjoyed the milk.
I notice that you have been a little better at obeying your mother this month, and I congratulate you on that. However, I have observed a few areas in which your behavior needs improvement, as follows:

1. You have failed to make your beds at least three days in every week. This is unacceptable, and I expect to see improvement very soon.
2. Your mother has had to ask you not once or twice, but several times each and every day, to do your homework. Your homework needs to be started as soon as you get home from school, before turning your attention to leisure activities. 
3. Your father has had a hard time waking you up for school in the mornings. Having to wake you up multiple times distresses him, and he is not getting any younger. Stress is very bad for him, and you know that he (and you) are genetically disposed to heart disease. I expect better performance in the waking up area.
4. You boys have been fighting with each other far too frequently. You each have only one brother, and if you don’t start getting along, you may have to be separated. Permanently. 
5. Feeding the dog. You told your mother that you would feed the dog and take him for walks, and you have failed to follow through on that. It would be a shame for the dog to die of starvation.

Your father may want to discuss a few more issues with you. Until next year, please remember to be good.

Yours truly,
Santa

Tagged as: Friends