I have had my 47 minutes sleep now and I feel like a million bucks. Well, maybe a hunnert thousand, anyway. Plus, I was given this really great award by Caroline which flatters me so! If I were to reproduce it here, I would have to print all the rules and such, and Caroline, I love you like a Crazy Auntie, but I just can’t handle rules, so I will say thank you and refer everyone to your blog to read all about it. Plus, anybody going there will get a good read and maybe even a Zen moment.
The real reason I am so stressed is that my gays are coming! Yes, my hero Kathy Griffin has her gays, and I have mine. Now, I hate to always be so “my _____ is better than yours” or “yo soy mas _____ than you” but Kathy’s gays can’t hold a candle to mine. For starters, my gays are named John and John. As you know, I usually give my friends and relations Imaginary Blog Names, but I can’t make up anything stupider than a gay couple named John and John.
Over the years, our gang has tried various ways of labelling the boys so we know which is which, but mostly we call them Big John and Little John. (Insert your own jokes here.) They live in a Formerly Grand Manse that they rescued from near-ruin and with all their gay decorating and remodelling skills they have restored its former grandness, only probably better than ever. They live in a neighborhood with a lot of crazy old characters that is slowly being gentrified by other fabulous redecorating gay couples, so a walk down the street is an experiment in terror. Any given trip, you could be shot at or offered a foo-foo martini with a paper umbrella in it.
So you can imagine the stress as I prepare for their visit this weekend. The last time they dropped by the country home here, it was in a state of being transformed and so I had plenty of excuses for my lack of perfection, but now it’s pretty much all done and the pressure is on. I even bought a carpet steam cleaner and I have been cleaning carpets into the wee hours. I’ve been filling in the empty spots in the flower garden, and primping and polishing like mad. I haven’t shampooed the chickens yet, but I still have a little time.
When Big John e-mailed he asked if they could spend the night, and said they have two dogs with them. The last time they were here, they only had one dog that they deigned to travel with. I believe they may have had a couple of half-breeds chained in the basement at the manse, but the only one that made the grade in public was the Bouvier des Flandres, Edie.
Now, here’s the thing. Edie is named after a character in the movie Grey Gardens, which is a documentary about a fabulously mad mother and daughter, both of whom were named Edie. They were usually called Big Edie and Little Edie, and each had her own eccentric style. Little Edie styled herself in such a bizarrely wonderful way that The Gays (in general) became crazed fans of the movie, which has now become a hit Broadway play as well.
So really, what could be more gay than a couple called Big John and Little John accompanied by their Bouvier des Flandres named Edie? And who is this mystery second dog they are letting loose on the world? I’ll tell you one thing right now. If it isn’t a poodle named Little Edie, I will say it is anyway.
Check back Monday for the True Tales of the Gay Weekend.
View this Post in: 
{ 1 trackback }
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
That really is the greatest gay couple name ever, and if they find themselves in the middle of the country, I would LOVE to make the aquaintance of their fabulousness. I’m now suddenly looking forward to Monday!
View this Comment in:
You are my Crazy Auntie! What a weekend ahead! Enjoy and come over to my blog and chill if you need a time out
View this Comment in:
John, John, Edie and Edie. It’s perfect!
View this Comment in:
Come to my blog sweet thang and pick up your award…like you NEED it.
View this Comment in:
I can understand your mad furry as you run around getting ready for their arrival. You definitely should shampoo the chickens & maybe curl them too.
I can’t wait to hear the details of your adventure!
View this Comment in:
Right before I got to your last sentence, I had the idea that both dogs were gay. Maybe not FLAMING, but probably stylish. I”m sure that when they lift their leg on a tree, they create designer stripes…….. and when the DOGS lift their legs on a tree, they probably just, well, pee.
View this Comment in:
I used to have Gays…well a gay..back in my Theater days. Oh yeah, it was also before I married a complete homo-phobe.
I miss my Gay, and his dog “snickerdoodle”.
View this Comment in:
Ooh! I can’t wait to hear about your fun weekend! I think maybe don’t curl the chickens….I would maybe go for the flatiron. That way their feathers are nice and flat and shiny after the shampoo!
View this Comment in:
I can’t wait to hear about your weekend. I am always on the hunt for some gays. I think that I really need some to be a complete person, but I find them very hard to come by here in the midwest. If you find a couple of extras could you throw them my way?
I also need to address something about Kathy Griffin. I adore her and am so glad to hear that you are a fan also, but can we please discuss her hair? WTF is going on with that 80’s inspired ‘do that she is sporting this season on the D List? Why haven’t you spoke to her about that Kathi? She obviously needs your help!
View this Comment in:
Was pleased to read your blog and see we have more in common then toads. I love Kathy G! And yes Toi I agree WTF is up with her hair? Then I continued to read and you post about Grey Gardens. LOVE IT! Have a fab weekend. Looking forward to shooting d coke out my nose from laughter come Monday.
View this Comment in:
Sounds like great fun. I’ve had two Bouviers (both since passed) and what wonderful dogs they are. They were named Samantha and Peaches. Wish I was there with you..
View this Comment in:
i can’t wait to hear the story. “the gays” always make life a little bit more entertaining. i LOVE it when my “uncles” come to town!
View this Comment in:
Leave a Comment