Wii Fit is a Snoopy McSnooperson . . .

. . . and a damn liar. Why did I bring this Tool of Satan into the house anyway? Oh, right. The husband’s birthday. That still doesn’t explain why I had to get involved with it. But there it sat, whispering my name softly and winking at me, and while I may look tough on the outside, inside I am a molten vat of goo, especially when it comes to electronic things connected to TV screens.

This is nothing like Auntie DVD or Mr. Tivo, though. This thing wants to play with you. I should have known something was fishy when it asked me to step on the balance board and asked how much my clothes weigh. There was no choice for 56 pounds, so I chose 2. Then the lies began. And they weren’t sweet loving lies.

It spit out some ridiculous number for my weight, and then another stupid number for my BMI, and by the time it got to my “real age” it was getting downright RUDE. If you think I am about to share those numbers with you, you are barking up the wrong Tree Pose. (Yes, there is yoga, too.)

“Walking isn’t really your game, is it? Let’s try a balance exercise.” (Do you know how long I have been walking?)

“You seem to have trouble staying balanced. Do you find you rely too much on your vision?” (Thank goodness it can’t check my vision.)

After a fling at ski jumping and rolling balls into a hole, I was ready for some real sports. I switched discs and found my true calling. Bowling is my game, and I shouldn’t be surprised. I love a sport where you can eat, drink, and smoke right through the whole game.