I realized today that I would be a perfect evil villain in a James Bond movie. I often go out to the coop and pick up a random chicken, tuck it under my arm and carry it around as I do whatever it is that I do. Today I was carrying Tammy Faye around the place while I was touring the new landscape projects and talking to Big Red The Landscape Guy (Not His Real Nickname, and he won’t pose half-nekked Karen!) and it occurred to me that this is exactly the kind of thing that an evil villain would do.
In the movie, I would be called Madame Poulet, and I would tenderly stroke my chicken with pointy red-lacquered nails as I issued orders to “Kill Bond! Now!” And I could say things like, “Who’s a chicken now, Bond? Eh?”
Look how teeny they used to be!
We have new neighbors down the street, and they are really upping the ante in the livestock department. They haven’t even finished moving in yet, and they bought a cow! Now I’m going to have to get llamas or something. I refuse to be outdone by newcomers. Ostriches, that’s it! Well, let me think about it.
I posted this photo in my Flickr photostream
and my brother Bob commented on it “I still have the Carnation milk truck.” Now, let’s observe that there are THREE Carnation milk trucks sitting there, and I don’t have mine. How do I know that Bob has his OWN Carnation milk truck and not MINE? Something just seems fishy to me. After all, I still have that doll.
Also, you’ll notice that no family Christmas at our house was ever complete without firearms.
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Not knowing your brother Bob, I would have to say that he almost certainly stole your truck. That’s what boys do. They are stupid, except for the half naked ones, they’re Ok.
Will you be wearing a hat in the movie? I think a hat would be a nice touch, maybe something with feathers. That would be totally cool.
Lastly, what abouyt Buck? Will he pose half nekked? Tell him it’s for a charity, or skin cancer research. He’s a boy he’ll fall for it.
OH, too bad I didn’t know your need to “Up” you neighbors sooner. We just got rid of (some to a bird refuge, some died at the excitement of being chased to load) a whole bunch of Ostriches, Emus and Rheas.
I think my Dad must have felt the same urge you are because the folks up the street had Llamas.
Boys don’t keep track of ANYTHING. That is your Carnation truck!
Madame Poulet has a nice ring to it!
I think of “CHICKEN RUN”, and whenever a chicken got tucked under an arm………….well…………they go out the door but they never come back…. Aaack!
Madame Poulet could get a lot accomplished by also carrying a milk bucket in the other hand.
I always wanted to be known as “that crazy old woman on the corner” but you’ve beaten me to it.
(Tell Big Red to loosen up. We’re not gonna look……….) where’s my binoculars?
I appreciate you all jumping on my brother Bob. I’m sure that Carnation milk truck will be arriving on my doorstep any day now. Along with someone bearing a firearm and daring me to pick it up.
I used to tell my dad he was going to be the crazy old coot on the block, and I am trying to live up to his standards.
thank you for all your support. I met my wife when she worked at carnation’s, so it holds a special place in my collection.
are ostriches like turkeys with normal legs?
and all boys are not stupid, just easily manipulated.
Ooh, that Diana stole my comment! Seriously though, had we known you last summer, and had we known you wanted ostriches, they would have been all yours…..al 12 of them! OH, and they all didn’t just drop dead because of excitement….nephew got to shoot 1 cuz it ran away. That made him so happy. Boys and their guns, I swear.
Dang. Missed my chance at ostriches.
Also, in 4th grade when the class did a field trip to Carnation, I was home sick.
I never get anything good.
I think it is actually Bob’s truck! (Am I still the President of Kathi’s Brother Bob fan club??)
I always wanted to be Seniorita Quesso Cabeza in a Bond film!
I have got the perfect idea for you. I’ll ship you down a herd of buffalo. They run wild just north of hear. I’ll push them on a cattle liner and they should be there in a day and a half or so, unless they’ve stopped those from going over the border, too. As for the ostrich shooting nephew, have I got a proposition for him. My husband has this grand idea to raise some boars, then let them go on the river hills behind our place. He figures he can charge his friends to hunt them. I figure we better get life insurance on the rest of our livestock, first. Not to mention, his friends would probably get too drunk to put up much of a hunt, so we would have wild boars running about our coolie, procreating and attacking the children and women folk. Actually, on second thought, maybe he’s got something there. We could invite the Cohen brothers to film a docuhorror. Then again, we could just ship the boars to you. That would show those neighbours.
Buffalo and ostrich AND boars? I would RULE.
Lola, I’m a Bob fan myself. (But I still want that truck.)
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