If this were a South Park episode, at the end of it Stan might ask, “What have we learned today?” and I would say, this is what I learned:
- I would rather screw than hammer (and who wouldn’t?).
- Those cartoons about people hammering their thumb instead of a nail? Not cool. And not funny.
- I would rather paint than clean up painting tools.
- Measure twice, cut once, unless you forget what the measurement was, and then you have to go and measure a third and maybe a fourth time and it would be a good idea to write it down.
- I wish my brother Bob had taught me about pneumatic tools instead of the wrong way to tie my shoes.*
- Spray painting in a high wind isn’t a real good idea.
- Chickens will laugh at you behind your back.
- Fritos and Diet Coke can be a Complete Meal with the aid of canned bean dip.
- You can bleed a lot more than you think you can and still survive.
- I don’t care how many Oprah shows he does, Tom Cruise has turned permanently creepy. (Actually, I learned that Monday.)
*I’m not sure what the right way is. All I know is that whenever somebody sees me tie my shoes they mock me unmercifully.
{ 6 comments }
These are all very good lessons and thank you for passing them on. Now I can learn from your mistakes and won’t have to make them for myself. You are so good to us.
I learned on Friday that if you invite Oprah into your house she will take off her shoes and put her bare feet on your couch. Has she no class? And as for Tom, I agree permanently creepy. I sleep with one eye open at all times because I’m afraid she’s going to send him to my house.
Yes, I would much rather paint than clean up anyday. I also have had the unfortunate spray paint in the wind incident that ended up all over me. Oh yes! Diet Coke & anything constitutes a meal in my book! Have you ever tried it with Chili Cheese Fritos? Oh yum:)
Those are all valuable lessons learned! I will take them to heart, and try to never spray paint in a high wind. As for Tom, yes, very very creepy (have you seen the South Park with him in it? Very very funny) haha.
Yes, they will laugh at you, yes he is creppy and I’m sorry to hear that your brother has caused you life long pain by wrongly informing you how to tie your shoes, although I feel that if they are in fact tied, how can it be wrong?
You invited Oprah into your house? And still she sends you a storm.
And yes, as always, I Do The Experiments so You Don’t Have To. Because, as you know, I am All About Giving.
Oh, no, I didn’t invite Oprah into my house. That would be a cold day in hell, but Tom did, and she put her bare feet on his couch. Then she waved her foot around to show everyone that she had her bare feet on his couch. Gross. For God’s sakes Oprah he gave you slippers to wear. Have some manners woman.
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