Note to mothers: Shut your pie-holes

With all due respect to mothers of human infants, may I just say: YOU HAVE IT SOOOO EASY!

I have not given birth myself, nor have I had the experience of caring for a human infant, but I know that it’s way harder to raise up fifteen baby chickens. Let’s look at the evidence, shall we?

• Baby human. Sucks on mother for sustenance. Built-in all-purpose food.
• Baby chickens. Drive to feed store, purchase highly specialized food, bring it home, find a way to contain it, dole it out in proper amounts. And water. Don’t forget the water. And if I am not mistaken, baby humans don’t poop into their food.

• Baby human. Lives in the house you already have. No extra housing required.
• Baby chickens. Best in outbuilding. Must also supply some kind of box, heat source, bedding. They also poop in the bedding. No easily changed diapers.

• Baby human. Stays in one place unless you pick it up and put it somewhere else, at your sole discretion.
• Baby chickens. Run all over hell and gone, especially if you are trying to catch one, and then even if you put them in something that you think is totally secure, guess what, they have wings and they can FLY. Again, unless I have missed something in the notes, baby humans have not gained the power of flight.

• Baby human. Usually arrive one or two at a time.
• Baby chickens. Did you hear me say fifteen?

• Baby human. As they grow, housing needs remain fairly consistent. Take the railing off the crib and eureka! it’s a toddler bed.
• Baby chickens. Grow from the outbuilding in a box to full-fledged chicken coop. Requires new construction.

Now, I don’t want to act like everything about raising up humans is easier than chickens. As far as I know, baby humans will never lay eggs. Also, they grow into teenagers at some point.

But up until then. Well, I’m just saying.