Watch out, this language could get salty

Oh. My. God. The bread. The bread. The bread.

I corralled that beast of dough, scooped it out of the inadequate container it was in, and searched the cupboards for some gargantuan trough. I found a Tupperware cake taker thingy that seemed Real Big, so I turned it upside down and plopped in the dough, and put it in the fridge.

A while later, I went to the fridge for a frosty Diet Coke, and the lid was off the huge cake thingy, and the dough was creeping out in another effort to swallow the house and everything in it. I took it out and punched the air out of it (I’ll show it who’s boss), and stashed it back in the fridge. Yes, you might call me stubborn.

With the dough temporarily subdued (Dough! Who’s your daddy?), Rick and I headed out for dinner and a little shopping at the Thursday night farmers’ market slash street fair. I promised to make a nice big loaf of bread when we got home, thus mitigating the size of the dough monster–the point is, you are supposed to make enough dough to cut some off every day for a fresh loaf. And, as we all now know, I doubled the recipe.

Let’s examine for a moment what doubling this recipe entails. It requires a crapload of flour, for one thing. 13 cups, to be exact, to be stirred (not shaken) into 6 cups of water. This itself almost got the best of both Rick and me, since I’m still not using my right arm very well (sewing injury!) so after (may I say) a valiant stab at it, I handed off the stirring duties to Rick. Of course I had to stand nearby flapping my hands in the air to encourage stirring perfection, and as a goodly amount of flour was landing on the floor, I suggested transferring the mess to a bigger bowl. Double the pleasure, double the mess.

So! You already know the in-between part, with the explosion and all, so here’s the sorry ending. I did indeed make an extra big loaf (use up some damn dough!) which meant that sliding it off the pizza peel didn’t work so very well, so it got kind of lumped up and wonky-looking, and lost some of its hard-won rise. No problem. We don’t mind wonky bread, because it’s all about the flavor, right?

Er, problem. See, here’s the deal. The basic bread recipe is dead simple. All you have to remember, and I’m quoting the book right here so you can all see just how simple it is:

“Amaze your friends with the 6-3-3-13 rule. If you want to store enough for eight one-pound loaves, here’s a simple mnemonic for the recipe: 6, 3, 3, and 13. It’s 6 cups water, 3 tablespoons salt, 3 tablespoons yeast, and then add 13 cups of flour. Store in a 10-quart lidded container. That’s it. It will amaze your friends when you do this in their home without a recipe–but tell them to buy this book anyway!”

Wait, was that 6 cups water, 3 tablespoons SALT, 3 tablespoons yeast, and 13 cups of flour?

Salt?

Yes, salt. Not sugar, as my mnemonic (or demonic) brain remembered it in order to amaze my friends.

Salt. You know, that stuff that flavors food. Salt, that when used in bread, tends to retard the growth of yeast. Not sugar, which has the opposite effect.

Salt.

Not sugar. And just how big is 10 quarts, anyway?

Salt.

So, friends. Are you AMAZED yet?